Monday, January 14, 2008


Put a gun to my head , won't you? I have injured no other but myself, yet you persist on aiming for my head, or is it my heart? You are my own special evil, without you how can I become me? Not a me that all will see, but the one buried deep down my soul, the one that I want to be...the one I hope you will see someday. For I still see nothing in those eyes but a joke, you don't think of me the way I want, a wasted world of dreams. I just wonder if I will survive you in my lifetime. So as I leave, please keep the barrel aimed dead on my head and your finger on the trigger, for the bullet may go around and come back straight into the empty void you call your heart. But it will kill me just the same, for I am you. I know that you are him and he is you...but remember I have always been just me...consistently ME... You knew that I would know. What I would do to get my past back without giving away where I am now, for it has made me stronger, yet I would still crumble at your feet. I hide it so well, that you could never tell,no one can...the private hell in which I dwell so beautifully. We were meant to be, I thought it. But my heart was never a part of you. You held it in well too. Maybe I've been just a pawn in your little game. But "I no longer enjoy it!" I have cried many tears for you, I have purged what's left of my soul for you, I have crossed borders to places I wish I had never gone. The past is true, the future is cruel, the present is where I am, but I have made it Limbo...where you and I are a lie. Maybe when the time comes you'll know that this was all for you somehow and you can find some appreciation for me if not affection.....but I think you will continue to live your own lie and to concede would be to admit what I have known all along,.......you loved me. at least once.



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