Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Oh this is PRICELESS!

I've been waiting all day to put this down! Don't read if you're eating, just finished or just about to start eating!!! I have always been considered to be 'bright' so early on I realized that there were 3 ways that things occur in this world....the EASY way...the HARD way...and the BRENDA way....which is the HARD way to the 10th power. Don't get me wrong...I'm not whining...much...it has made me very appreciative of my successes and especially my failures....and it has made me very proud of who I am. It has also given me a peculiar sense of humor. In situations where most would literally die of embarassment...I have sat right down on the floor and laughed out loud at myself...and that is exactly what happened this morning. I awoke at 4 am, surprized at how well I felt, considering how sick I had been. So I decided to get my ass up and go to work...I work for the state 'government' and it's the end of the month....and there is no END to the 'end of the month' paper work....you have to submit reports on everything from the preceding month as well as make sure that all the systems are in place to collect and collate whatever data needs to be collected for the next month's report...it's a vicious cycle. But I digress... I decided to get up and put on my game face...everyone knows I've been sick so I show up the picture of competency and efficiency. I shower, do my hair, my makeup...I pick a black cashmere sweater over a black and grey houndstooth shirt....black knee high high heeled boots and my wool black and grey wrap...purrrrfect! I am beautiful and all business. I even kiss at myself in the mirror....could I be more of a goofass? So I have been sick...respiratory...very congested...chest...sinus....pressure is gone but my rib cage feels like I have been a tackling dummy for the Pat's practice all week. So I make myself some oatmeal and take a couple of bites...downing about half a cup of coffee as I decide to run out and start my car. I head down my deck steps toward the drive when I see my neighbor Steve walking his 'baby' Consuela at the end of my driveway. I open my mouth to say..."Hi ya Honey!" but no words come out...as soon as I attempt to speak a wave of nausea washes over me and I PUKE ALL OVER MYSELF! Not just the couple of swallows of oatmeal that I managed to get down but yards of phlegm...mountains of it....I guess it had to go somewhere...but all over me....even on my boots....all I remember before collapsing into a heap of laughter is the utterly horrified look on poor Steve's face.....ok so I know this is gross...but is so typifies my life...He runs to me thinking I'm having an aneurism or something and I am laughing uncontrollably. He starts laughing as I attempt to tell him I'm fine...I go into my house to find my son looking at me puzzled then he starts to laugh. I hear him...'Only you' as I re-shower, redress in a champagne colored pantsuit and get to work 15 minutes late with 'wash and wear' hair and some lipstick. Everytime someone told me how great I looked...I just laughed and said..."ya should have seen me the first time!" But the best had to be the single red rose on my doorstep when I got home from work. The card read....'I've never seen anyone vomit so beautifully' Mi vida Loca!



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