time for a lil update.....

What a week! I have been flat out. Here's some highlights:
Doctor's appointment on Monday...waiting....Tuesday was basically a wash out...all stress, no productivity. Wednesday I had an 8 hour argument...from 8:45 am until 5:10 pm and then my car had coolant issues which required major repair.
Thursday-A daytrip to Salem MA for a witch trial...not my own! Had to take the truck cause my car was in the shop. Some crazy psychic lady made me cry...twice! The truth hurts, really.
Friday...a halloween party...Saturday, I had to catch up on something from work, then out with my honey to see Betsy rock the house at the Lafayette House....ok that night was good...VERY GOOD wink wink! but then...I always think of Sunday as a day of rest...HA! Started at 7:45 am when my father called to tell me that he was going to take the trackhoe and dig up my mother, whose been dead for 2o years and move her. Dad could ya let me wake up first? So I have to crawl out of my comfy warm bed, snuggled in loving arms to listen to him scream for an hour. Tell me again how blest I am! So I finally get my dad calmed down.and I told him if he moves her to tell me where...I do want to be buried by her!...then I got to enjoy a cup of coffee and out comes the love of my life to start with me. Well let me re-phase that...the man I thought was the love of my life.....hehehehe....relationships SUCK! So I sent him packing, oh not for good...but for a long while :) and I sat down to write two more papers. Seems this rotation of classes I am in requires that every other week I have a paper due in both classes and try as I might....I can not get started on them early. So I write first about a law and how I think it will impact service delivery then I write out a program evaluation plan on a made up scenario about a youth symphony....the first paper I finished at noon...the second I started at 4 and just finished before I started this....so that is that....Mi Vida Loca....oh did I mention that I gotta go back tomorrow and finish the 8 hour argument? God gimme strength!
Oh a sidebar...my buddy Kells sent out this survey thing that I in turn forwarded...for lack of anything else better to do...and who responds.....one of my bestest friends from middle school...and better yet....he knows everything about me....now that is a blessing....I love you Mark!

I am a GREAT me!

Take a look at this picture...I am always doing goofy stuff with my photoshop. Can you see what I did? Nothing spectatular....I just think I like it better this way.

I am in a very strange place...viewing the world with eyes that are deceptive....





I just have to get some stuff off my chest…and please don’t read anything into what I’m babbling about. It’s mostly therapy for myself…although if you do recognize something about you in my diatribe and it makes you want to change a behavior, then by all means…it’s about you. HAHAHA….ok that makes my PMP* So, basically I have no one to tell all the inane crap that spews from my head so…guess what? Here it is….I have been in some of the most bizarre relationships. The most obvious term to use is one sided relationships…I give and give and I get taken. Not the least of which was my marriage…I’m not finger pointing and in all reality I know I was a bitch with a capital B. But if I learned nothing else….it was about energy…like E=MC2…you get out of it what you put in to it. I used to laugh when my husband cheated on me. He would spend several hours online picking the slut of the week. Then, he would send her flowers and special trinkets and wine and dine her. Tell her this incredible story about an uncaring wife and children. While I sat at home, alone, wishing he would pay a minute’s attention to me. If he brought me a happy meal toy, I would have done anything he wanted. I tried almost everything he ever suggested. In the end, he said it was because he knew he could have me anytime. So basically he said I was not worth the effort. But at the same time, when I threatened to leave, he would be good. He would even tell me that I was the best he could ever hope to have. I fought and fought myself for years…denying myself and denying who I am. What I need….I wouldn’t ever go back. I don’t need any grand gesture….I want to trust….trust for me is knowing how the other person is going to respond. As a result I decided that I had to be totally and completely honest with my significant other. If we are to truly have a future then he must know and accept everything and vice versa. This is sharing my secrets and to be totally accepted. Now I’m afraid, I’ve given him a weapon…so does he protect me with it or make me bleed. I just don’t want him to think I am someone I am not…been there…I want to be ‘me’…I am a GREAT me. And at the end of the day…I have had loved ones carve me up. Guess what happens the next day…The sun comes up again.

*pissing my pants

Catching up....

Doesn't this picture make you want to break into a rousing rendition of 'Going to the Chapel!"? I couldn't resist...as I have intimated the only thing worse than me being a jaded crone is me as a fool in love. So let's catch up.....physically...I am miserable....I have been running my ass off and in between dealing with this leg. I have had this reoccurring pain in my right leg since June and have had at least four doctors look at it...an orthropedic, a vascular surgeon, the house doctor at camp, and my personal physician. I had an ultrasound and a MRI....final answer is...for all you anatomy freaks...I recieved a blunt force trauma to my calf...an electric wheelchair full force into me....and the resulting bruising cause a build of fluid in my calf....now it swell...then it subsides....and of course the major consensus is all I need to do is stay off my feet for a few days...WHICH IS NOT GONNA HAPPEN! In the past month alone, I have been all over the New England....I was in Maine, then I was in New York and there is barely an inch of Massachusetts, RI and CT that I have not been through so when am I suppose to stay off it? yup, when I'm dead! so I have to tell you about upstate NY....I did not want to come back....we stayed in a cabin...the night sky was so loaded with stars.....the love, the friendship, the comfort...I wish that you each could know such peace. We went out kayaking on Lake Vanare.and had an fabulous dinner Saturday Night..It was an awesome time....the Lake George/Adirondacks area is breathtaking. I miss you all aready...Audrey, Charlie, Derek, Emma, Peter, Greta, Robbie...my Virginia Tech friend....Dan and of course Jill and Mike.

I have been thinking about something lately. Someone asks me at least once a week, why I do what I do...how can I face people everyday with disabilities? Is it depressing? How do I cope? Every person on this planet faces some sort of challenge every day...so the people I call my friends have challenges that you can see a mile away. I almost wrote that they are like everyone else....but they aren't.....'normal' people judge....'normal' people think you have a motive.....'normal' people think you're weird. I have friends who love me for who I am....laugh at me and laugh with me.....they are always glad to see me, even if I'm not wearing designer clothes...they don't find it odd that I hug them and tell them I love them, everytime I see them...they accept me for who I am....odd and all! That is a blessing in this life....to not have your feeling rejected. I will admit however, it have made me worse with 'normal' people....they aren't quite sure how to react when I grab them and hug them....or I get ackward silences sometimes when I say I love you...but the good news appears to be that they are getting used to it....well most of them.

I'm going post of a ton of pictures on MySpace and FaceBook if anyone's interested.... pictures from NY, around Boston, the horses...etc.

I love you Boob!...nope didn't mispell Bob...I meant Boob! hehehe! The next year of our lives is going be fantabulous! I promise with all my heart!

See ya round....smooches

I've created a monster.....

I'm joking! My buddy Artemis wants a better picture and I gotta tell ewes guys this story.

As you are all aware, I like to take a life break in late April. I always take 3 or 4 weeks off beginning the middle of April into May. My Birthday is April 28th and as a present to myself I do what I want for a while. It started out as a week off and that just didn't seem like enough for me...so I stretch it out. This past April I was off for a month. I do all sorts of stuff, just no work. Well, not my regular jobs...I want things to be different. I go to Virginia, badger everyone I know there....and partake in a little self awareness and reconnecting with who I am. Ok, I'm rambling...The point being I was not around much this past April. So I was sitting and talking to Artemis and we got this new computer program that is incorporated into her master program. It basically allows standard responses to be set to icons so that it can be accessed quickly. This will be handy for her as people are always asking her the same questions over and over, but we have to reprogram the responses or change the questions....tweak it if you will. So the first one...What is your name? and it says TODD. We both cracked up laughing..but I told her from now on I'm calling her TODD. Then she hits...My birthday is...and it says June 18th...I asked..is that your birthday? She can answer yes or no questions with her eyes...closing them means yes...rolling them up is no...she said no. so I said when is your birthday...Jan...up...no...Feb....up...no.....March...no....April...she squeezes them tight...YES..I get a feeling in my stomach...because I feel so close to her.....I said...Is your birthday the 28th and she said YES.....and I started to laugh....I go over to grab my purse and I pull out my license and hold where she can see it and she HOWLS.... Her Mother was folding clothes and walks over to see why we are cracking up and I said...'Artemis and I have the same birthday'.....she says....OMG....you two are giving me goosebumps.....I tell Artemis that we are PEAS.....two peas in a pod....she is smiling....and she wants me to take her pic while she is happy...so here she is....LY....always...g/f.

Artemis....Goddess of the Hunt...

(ok first.........I have been flat out.....between being incredible busy....I have this pulled thing in my leg and I've been limping FOREVER. Kelly and Linda thought they were gonna have to amputate it last Friday night. My dear Kelly...sweet Kelly....First I have her critiquing wedding dresses in my office and then I have her in the North End at the Feast of St. Anthony watching me grimmace with every step......what a trooper! Thanks to Nikki and Linda for meeting us there!)

Now...I have to tell this story....

About a year ago, I got a phone call from a vendor about consulting on a case with a young woman....27 years old.....graduated valedictorian of her high school class at DR....graduated Magna Cum Laude from Yale University....a year from her PhD....language expert, comparative Lit major...this girl speaks 7 languages. She had gone to Serra Leone to document atrocities from civil unrest. She had a plan, she calls it the 'Vision.' So my new friend, she was in a horrific accident in Serra Leone....she broke bones, she suffered nerve damage, she was O2 deprived, she was in a coma for over a month.

She awoke...and couldn't breathe on her own, she couldn't eat, she couldn't move. But she can still think....she can still smile and she can still love......so the work began....it was hard work....

This incredible mind is now trapped in this nearly lifeless body....she breathes on her own, she eats, she talks to me with her computer. We have shared some incredible conversations.

It has been an awesome experience for someone like me, who feels sorry for myself. I spend 5 minutes with her and I can't.

She tells me stories and then tells me to get over it!

She once told me the story of William. He loved her, she thought she loved him. She got the opportunity to go to Serra Leone, he didn't want her to go...he asked her to marry him. She said no. She told me if she could stand up and walk by herself, she would go to him right now and tell him she loves him and will he marry her. She doesn't cry....but she said I lost the one I love and he will never love me now. Then she told me, you have everything yet you hold it off for fear of being hurt or let down, you live in the same place I do, but I have an excuse. Bitch! and she laughs.

Sometimes she asks me why, I don't know but I have to believe God put you here for a reason, you thought it was for the 'Vision' but maybe this is part of it and He just hasn't shown us what the next part is.

Her brother told me that it was a blessing the day I walked into their home, that she needed me....oh yes it was a blessing.....but I think I was one who was blessed....meet my friend.....then and now.....and there....are ya happy now?... a whole blog just about you...read it and enjoy....I love you, Artemis....

HA HA HA....

Life as I know it.....

I have gotten everyone in a tizzy over my wedding plans....what can I tell ya.....if I'm gonna do this...I'm doing it the way I want.......it's gonna scream BRENDA......of course everytime I mention something new to him I get the 'whatever ya want honey'. I told him I was gonna get one of my litttle people friends to dress up like a leprechan. OMG---I'm kidding....

So last Saturday was my family reunion....I decided I'm going to make a movie with pics of the reunion... past present and future and include some other shots....look for it....I'll post it up here when I finish it.

I gotta tell ya I did crap today.....and I was so spoiled. I sat in the sun and made Simpson characters out of pics of my friends and family...I'll post one or two of them every so often...see if you can guess who they are....so I made about 35 characters. Dinner was made and I was SERVED outside and after dinner I got a leg and foot massage. I keep looking up to see if a plane falls out of the sky on me. Again....I have all kinds of issues about deserving to be this happy.

Artemis wants to read about herself in my blog so coming soon...the story of Artemis and how I met a friend who changed the way I think, to let me live my life to the fullest....I was suppose to help her get past issues and she saved me from myself.....I miss you....see you soon.....love to you all.......miss ya, B

Guess who these are supposed to be.....hahahaha!