tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80728481545937448612024-02-18T23:52:31.362-08:00My crazy lil thoughtsI suffer from no delusions that any person on this planet cares a 'fig' about anything I have to say...but I'm gonna say it anyway!!! I write from the heart and from my own TWISTED logic! WELCOME!Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-62513019784424611542015-05-23T12:43:00.001-07:002015-05-23T12:43:13.399-07:00Memorial DayCrazy random things, it is the craziest random things that get to me. For over a decade, Joe and I hosted a memorial day cookout. They were almost infamous among our friends and family.....we had food fights, trips to the ER, water balloon battles, 25 kids in the pool and who can forget the time the wind blew the canopy down the street or the year with the torrential rain and we had the cookout in the basement. Thousands of pictures and millions of laughs. We gathered together last year as best we could, our hearts broken and our souls in pain. It will never be the same, seems like is anymore.<br />
So, there will be no cookout this year....at least not here. I am going to one of our friends who decided that they would have a little cookout. So I don't have to cook all weekend, Joe is not prepping the pool nor primping the yard, hanging bunting on the deck, nor buying new flags for the front of the house....there will be no laughter here. But we laugh and we will love and we will remember him and he will live on in our hearts.<br />
So the randomness....most days I feel like I have a huge ice block in my chest where my heart used to be. oh I smile, I laugh, I sing, I dance and I care, I even love...but inside I still feel dead.......until that dreaded moment when my heart bursts within my chest and a million tears fill my soul and erupt out of me. I collapse to my knees and can't even breathe. luckily enough, the only witnesses to this is ususally my dogs.<br />
Today it was making deviled eggs for the cookout. I decided to make to them and I was fine with that. I started them to boil, I peeled them and separated the yolk, I got out the egg plate. I prepared the filling and it happened. Suddenly my heart exploded because he was not here to taste it and tell how to adjust it....what did it need more of.....the damn eggs are fine....but I need you.....I may never recover from the randomness of this whole scenario....I know these feelings and these random episodes are are becoming less frequent but somehow more intense. I guess I am saving them up, making them more efficient or I am getting better at self medicating with alcohol and running thru my life at break neck speed to hold them off. There is nothing more ridiculous than needing to move on and wanting to stay right where you are. I have forced myself out of my comfort zone to a zone where there is almost no comfort at all.....at least not the 'comfort' I had known..I have made new friends, found new activities all while relying so heavily on my inner circle. Those poor souls who love me and try to guide me and be supportive at the same time. No small feat. <br />
So.....I am spewing my grief out into my blog because as it is is with flatulence and gastric disturbances.....better out than it......it festers inside, Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-20344139769005628992013-03-04T11:02:00.001-08:002013-03-04T11:02:12.952-08:00<div>
I swear if one more person tells me what a good person I am....I AM GOING TO COMMIT A HOMICIDE! I freely admit that I am not the worst person on the face of the Earth.....but I am FAR from being any where near GOOD! You have to understand....I am paying for sins that I have committed and trying to earn POINTS for the things that I do out of my own selfishness. I have people come up to me, strangers on the street and tell me that there must be a special place in Heaven for me, because of the work I do. They see me doing my job and make me out to be some sort of saint...or because I take pride in being a good friend. Right like my lame attempts to be good...like that is going to negate the evil I do.... My only hope is to break even...but thanks for saying it anyway....even if I am never going believe it....</div>
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Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-75999083021465845232013-03-04T10:59:00.000-08:002013-03-04T10:59:02.574-08:00Eulogy for a FriendPosting this here to remember......<br />
<br />
Disclaimer---Not if there are tears…but WHEN there are tears…it is the love leaking out of my heart!<br />
Is is indeed once again, a sad day for all of me. I am here to give reflections on my friend David. I think this sharing of my grief will help me continue to ease my burdens. David lived a relatively short, but none the less, an amazing life. I met him in the late 80's when our paths crossed at Paul A. Dever Developmental Center. I have been his RT for the past decade and I have been amazed by him almost daily. He faced challenged that few have to conquer once in their lifetime let alone everyday.but he always got life to come to him on his terms. What is it that we remember when we think of David? He was a man of paradoxes….he was non verbal but very vocal....he hated shoes but loved socks…he hated wearing shirts but liked to wear the sleeve...he didn't like loud noises unless he was making them…but you always knew when he didn’t like something. I think everyone who knows him would agree with me the most memorale thing was his sense of humor.... his playful obstainancy. I know that there is a tendency to remember all the good stuff and downplay the not so positive traits. but I can't talk about David with out talking about his ability to pluck your last nerve and I mean that in a good way. He would make you be creative. He would push your buttons. If you've ever been in the Dining room at Quinn when we were there, you would know what I mean. But then just as quickly he could wrap your heart around his finger. As many of his team have said on many occasions, Dave had a wicked pisser sense of humor. He did things to make himself laugh and if it made you laugh too...well then it would just crack him up. For example, One training day not too long ago, I found myself in apt 4 with an unfamiliar staff. David decided to take full advantange of the situation. He very stealthfully wiggled around in his chair until he was literally hanging, ready to fall. I went to reposition him and he started to laugh. I got him all settled and as soon as I went to walk away he tried to throw himself from the chair. Now he's convulsing with laughter to the point where we could hardly get him back into the chair. As soon as we got him settled again, he tried again. So I went and got the mat and put in under is chair. He kept trying and kept laughing at us. Finally I said to the staff, we;ll just put him on the mat on the floor. cause you can't fall off the floor. As soon as we put him on the floor, he literally rolled over and started to snore. I immediately suspected this was his intention all along. I know that David has meant something to each and every one of you, personally, I know that he will be one of my guardian angels. David's death was sudden. I remember when I heard the news I simply could not believe it. I have been griefstricken that I never got the chance to say goodbye. The last words I said to him were...'see ya tomorrow...it's your birthday!!' David was well-loved and while he may have had to deal with many challenges while he was here on Earth, and I’m sure he’ll whatever he pleases in heaven. I will forever be grateful to have known David. I will carry him in my heart always. So instead of grieving the chance that I never to say goodbye I celebrate that I was given the chance to say Hello. Thank you for listening.....Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-66235260351138469472013-03-04T10:57:00.001-08:002013-03-04T10:57:44.234-08:00Well….I am a little behind this year. I have this usually out and about by this morning but, as I have explained before, sometimes things have to kind of cook in my head before I get it down. I am thinking about unconditional love and friendship. This also makes me think about what it means to be a friend. Not a new theme for me by any means, but one that I always think about at this time because that what this is all about, paying a sort of homage to my friends.<br /><br /><br />I look back on this past year and think how very different it would have been without the love and support of people who love me. My friends recognize that beneath all my brashness, bravado and BULLSHIT that I am a simple girl and that I love them so very much. I appear to be a very complicated high maintenance….I admit it I have grown into it. The reality is I am often humbled by my friends. I have just developed this philosophy about how the human race should behave to one another and while I am intelligent enough to realize that not every person is going to get along with every other person, I also so know that some people just can’t relent. That makes me sad. So here I sit, thinking and seeing the faces of those who I can turn to when I need a hug, or a shoulder and piece of sage advice. <br /><br />There are also many that I have lost this past year….I hope that my incessant need to say what I am feeling as I feel it has not left me with too many regrets. I say ‘I love you’ even if it makes people uncomfortably but I think that have become accustomed to it. My ‘coffee buddy’ I miss you and your beautiful soul….Maybe this Christmas I will be able to hear ‘Silent Night’ and not cry a river, instead just smile and remember. My lil angel….blowing me kisses from the clouds and my neighbor whom I can still hear singing over the back fence. May God keep you all in his loving embrace and as you look down on those you love and who love you and sharing your love with us. <br /><br />I will be drinking in many of the fine Irish drinking establishment in Boston later and if you’ve a mind…come and join me! I usually do not mention names but my first toast I feel I must…..<br /><br />I raise my glass……..<br /><br />To my youngest son Greg….this year I have watched you go through an incredible transformation…while I am so very proud of both my sons, Greg, you and I share so many secrets and ideas that I have already begun to mourn when you find your own life and I will not have the unlimited access to you that I know enjoy.<br /><br />To my friend, small of stature who commands a great presence……you have shown me that anything is possible…Look at where we are from where we were a brief year ago. Astonishing.<br /><br />To the one who took that chance with me. Our names rhyme and I hope to never hear one without the other. You always make me smile and our laughter is infectious.<br /><br />To the one I look to for professionalism that I can only hope to one day attain. Your advice and unconditional friendship has been one of the best reasons to just keep plugging away every day. I so miss you when I don’t see you and enjoy each that we are together. I am always learning at your side.<br /><br />I can’t not mention that absolute thrill I have had this year. I would love to be able to take each and every one of you and place you on a pedestal and shine a spot light on you because you have meant so much to me….here is to the one who I was so fortunate enough to be able to stand beside when the spotlight was shone on her. We go weeks without talking or seeing each other face to face…but when fate puts in close proximity to each other….it is a gab fest!<br /><br />To the person who listens to my corny jokes and smiles. I love the times when you actually find them funny and you laugh out loud. <br /><br />To the person(s) who see me and just open their arms for a hug. <br /><br />To the person(s) who think of me. There can be no greater gift. I told my children that material gifts are fine but the true gift is that someone thought enough about you to spend the time and perhaps money to buy or effort to make you something. It is the fact that they thought highly enough of you to expend energy in whatever form. That is the TRUE gift, not the monetary value or the possession. I never let a good deed go unpunished!<br /><br />To my friends and family that are more than an arm’s length away…never fear that I have forgotten your influence in my life and do not feel your love. I so enjoy watching babies that I once held, now holding babies of their own. Know that you are all in my prayers and thoughts daily.<br /><br />So….I will cease to ramble and please be safe and feel loved.<br /><br />Wishing you a rainbow<br /><br />For sunlight after showers—<br /><br />Miles and miles of Irish smiles<br /><br />For golden happy hours—<br /><br />Shamrocks at your doorway<br /><br />For luck and laughter too,<br /><br />And a host of friends that never ends<br /><br />Each day your whole life through!<br /><br /><br /><br />smoochesBrenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-69404766389205904472011-03-17T08:10:00.000-07:002011-03-17T08:10:25.006-07:00Well….I am a little behind this year. I have this usually out and about by this morning but, as I have explained before, sometimes things have to kind of cook in my head before I get it down. I am thinking about unconditional love and friendship. This also makes me think about what it means to be a friend. Not a new theme for me by any means, but one that I always think about at this time because that what this is all about, paying a sort of homage to my friends.<br />
<br />
<br />
I look back on this past year and think how very different it would have been without the love and support of people who love me. My friends recognize that beneath all my brashness, bravado and BULLSHIT that I am a simple girl and that I love them so very much. I appear to be a very complicated high maintenance….I admit it I have grown into it. The reality is I am often humbled by my friends. I have just developed this philosophy about how the human race should behave to one another and while I am intelligent enough to realize that not every person is going to get along with every other person, I also so know that some people just can’t relent. That makes me sad. So here I sit, thinking and seeing the faces of those who I can turn to when I need a hug, or a shoulder and piece of sage advice. <br />
<br />
There are also many that I have lost this past year….I hope that my incessant need to say what I am feeling as I feel it has not left me with too many regrets. I say ‘I love you’ even if it makes people uncomfortably but I think that have become accustomed to it. My ‘coffee buddy’ I miss you and your beautiful soul….Maybe this Christmas I will be able to hear ‘Silent Night’ and not cry a river, instead just smile and remember. My lil angel….blowing me kisses from the clouds and my neighbor whom I can still hear singing over the back fence. May God keep you all in his loving embrace and as you look down on those you love and who love you and sharing your love with us. <br />
<br />
I will be drinking in many of the fine Irish drinking establishment in Boston later and if you’ve a mind…come and join me! I usually do not mention names but my first toast I feel I must…..<br />
<br />
I raise my glass……..<br />
<br />
To my youngest son Greg….this year I have watched you go through an incredible transformation…while I am so very proud of both my sons, Greg, you and I share so many secrets and ideas that I have already begun to mourn when you find your own life and I will not have the unlimited access to you that I know enjoy.<br />
<br />
To my friend, small of stature who commands a great presence……you have shown me that anything is possible…Look at where we are from where we were a brief year ago. Astonishing.<br />
<br />
To the one who took that chance with me. Our names rhyme and I hope to never hear one without the other. You always make me smile and our laughter is infectious.<br />
<br />
To the one I look to for professionalism that I can only hope to one day attain. Your advice and unconditional friendship has been one of the best reasons to just keep plugging away every day. I so miss you when I don’t see you and enjoy each that we are together. I am always learning at your side.<br />
<br />
I can’t not mention that absolute thrill I have had this year. I would love to be able to take each and every one of you and place you on a pedestal and shine a spot light on you because you have meant so much to me….here is to the one who I was so fortunate enough to be able to stand beside when the spotlight was shone on her. We go weeks without talking or seeing each other face to face…but when fate puts in close proximity to each other….it is a gab fest!<br />
<br />
To the person who listens to my corny jokes and smiles. I love the times when you actually find them funny and you laugh out loud. <br />
<br />
To the person(s) who see me and just open their arms for a hug. <br />
<br />
To the person(s) who think of me. There can be no greater gift. I told my children that material gifts are fine but the true gift is that someone thought enough about you to spend the time and perhaps money to buy or effort to make you something. It is the fact that they thought highly enough of you to expend energy in whatever form. That is the TRUE gift, not the monetary value or the possession. I never let a good deed go unpunished!<br />
<br />
To my friends and family that are more than an arm’s length away…never fear that I have forgotten your influence in my life and do not feel your love. I so enjoy watching babies that I once held, now holding babies of their own. Know that you are all in my prayers and thoughts daily.<br />
<br />
So….I will cease to ramble and please be safe and feel loved.<br />
<br />
Wishing you a rainbow<br />
<br />
For sunlight after showers—<br />
<br />
Miles and miles of Irish smiles<br />
<br />
For golden happy hours—<br />
<br />
Shamrocks at your doorway<br />
<br />
For luck and laughter too,<br />
<br />
And a host of friends that never ends<br />
<br />
Each day your whole life through!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
smoochesBrenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-76388582553017019982011-02-02T17:19:00.000-08:002011-02-02T17:44:56.113-08:00My dreams lie in my personal power. I inspire transformation, respect and support by discrete but charismatic example and tolerance. I am an instrument for dynamic, responsible, or passionate expansion that serves and protects the greater good of my legacy.<br />My legacy of Mother, Friend, Sister and Lover! I am master of the universe and I am empowered with the reputation of experience, credibility, skill, and momentum. I transform through integrity. I burn as brightly as the sun and those who approach are afraid of the heat.<br />Fear not, my love is both warm and comforting. Seek shelter and solace in my heart. I hover above like the moon, quiet and somber until all ignore my presence, but I am constant and remain. My sense of self is not reflected back from outside but wells up through my soul to radiate outward from within me. How else could I answer to no master but God? I am neither complacent nor passive, but I am noit moved to action unless summoned. Once summoned beware the magnetism of my passion. I am a force of nature to be reckoned and reconciled. As with time, I am marching forward. I can not settle down easily or be ocntented with the 'same old same old' of a routine...I want what I want when I want it....that is just me. <br />I love language...so many words to say not much at all really...now LAUGH DAMMIT!Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-32295877882260487312010-02-02T17:09:00.000-08:002011-02-02T17:15:23.774-08:00Thinking....People baffle me. If you ask someone what they want out of life, they usually give you a long oration on what it is they want. But many appear to have no ambition to put the 'sweat' equity into getting what they want. It's like they expect it to just HAPPEN or worse yet...somebody should just give it to them. This is a pervasive kind of attitude that has consumed our society. It makes no sense to me.Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-58431960463455131902009-11-30T09:48:00.000-08:002009-11-30T09:49:56.982-08:00catching up!ok I suck! I haven't blogged in half a year but there has been some major developments....I will update everything as soon as I ge the chance...Hope everyone had a blessed holiday!Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-39426551969073849712009-05-06T16:23:00.000-07:002009-05-06T16:40:09.678-07:00Evaluating who I am!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7cYGY-JMMYSareFXH7A7WVOh6PRBdIRNOqAJqjx5Tw5XItT45BvDypBL_Dm0I8L_qW1idzWcCRdRW-ZMnUvN9220Gzs_cPBcfKtE00jtPnNp9tx4eus4QkpV8ZZMV3Tb-X-wh3-45iFgo/s1600-h/DSC_0055.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5332858368564539218" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 213px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7cYGY-JMMYSareFXH7A7WVOh6PRBdIRNOqAJqjx5Tw5XItT45BvDypBL_Dm0I8L_qW1idzWcCRdRW-ZMnUvN9220Gzs_cPBcfKtE00jtPnNp9tx4eus4QkpV8ZZMV3Tb-X-wh3-45iFgo/s320/DSC_0055.JPG" border="0" /></a> Check out this picture.....I took it at the Salem Red Sox game on April 24th, 2009...I think it is patriotic! A flag at a baseball game!<br /><div>I am so tired of studying....I have finals! BooHiss! So anyway, I wanted to write about anything...so here goes:</div><br /><div>I am who I am. I am getting older and I think I am becoming a classic….I am middle class, an oldest child, overachiever, not a laborer and not a white collar either. I was born in the baby boomer era and grew up thinking that the world was my oyster-- only to find out that hamburger was what was on the main menu. I’ve experienced lost love and then love renewed. I have buried a parent and a brother, gave birth to my boys. I was too young to be a part of the 60's revolution but I enjoyed the Disco thing. I think that Republicans are stuffy and Democrats are too flamboyant so I identify myself as an independent. Radio ruled when I was young and TV wore itself out when I got older. I remember the times when I was able to go outside and play until I was told to come in and eat dinner. I was able to share kool-aid from the same glass as my friends and drink water from the garden hose and there was no scare of a disease. I am most comfortable in jeans and a T but I do like getting "dressed to the nines" sometimes. In social arenas, I can talk about politics or NASCAR with equal vigor and knowledge. When I was young I watched people die of diseases that would have been treatable today and I have beaten cancer twice. Now kids play Wii, everyone has a cell phone but still I remember my grand mother and how she often spoke of the old days. I remember hearing how John F. Kennedy was shot and I remember seeing my mother cry whenever she told me. I gratefully have seen people cry tears of joy, sorrow and happiness. I hated the memories of photos of soldiers returning from Vietnam in body bags and I hate the ones from Iraq even more. I loved the memory of watching black and white TV to see Armstrong jump on the moon. I have visions of seeing my elementary classmates scurry into the hallways only to crouch down and hide behind their lockers during Nuclear air-raid drills while the air defense sirens shrilled. I did not see the Berlin wall go up but had the incredible pleasure of watching it come down. I had an unshakeable faith and then I drifted, only to return to believe the single set of footprints in the sand was the time of my life when my Savior carried me. I try to never forget those that have sown their seeds into my life, and no matter where I go in life - I try to stay in touch with them one way or another. The sum of who I am comes from the pieces they have added to me. Yes I can clearly say I have lived a middle of the road kind of existence and to some extent these things have made me appreciate what I have, who I am and what I have to offer. The best part of this equation is that I still have a lot more to witness... God willing. smooches</div><br /><div><br /></div><br /><div></div>Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-14141647843997653462009-04-27T01:19:00.000-07:002009-04-27T01:21:07.911-07:00ok.....I suck...I haven't blogged in over a month! Hey, I've been buzy! and I've been outta town! But do I got pictures.....so hold on.....I'll get everything up and you can leave me some feedback, if you haven't abandoned me yet! smoochesBrenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-52558761272222043182009-03-18T04:41:00.000-07:002009-03-18T04:46:55.436-07:00My Toast!Ok folks…here’s the deal…I wrote a TOAST for St. Patrick’s Day as I do every year...…and I was going send it out last night…but I hesitated. Then this morning, again I was not satisfied. I came home from work and before I head out to my St. Patrick’s Day Bacchanal Fest, I had to re write it! I had written a liturgy on inspiration but I changed the topic….to laughter! So here it is and it goes to everyone in my email addresses....even my insurance agent!! hehehehe! some of you lucky buggers may even get it twice! I will post it on my blog as soon as i get the chance.....<br /><br />How many of us realize that we have to laugh at ourselves. It is such a necessary part of dealing with the most insane situations that occur. Yesterday I got a flat tire and literally had to jog to make a very important meeting, in heels. A very nice lady stopped to offer me a ride, which I declined because one of my gals was coming to get me. The lady said to me, you look like you are going to be late for your own funeral. I could see myself in my mind and I started to laugh. I walked into the meeting 15 meeting late but I don’t think I missed much. Then today was the topper, I got up and got ready for work. I went out to start my car and it would not start. I checked everything. It was turning over but just wouldn’t start. I called the auto club and a sweet gentleman came to my house and we deducted that it didn’t need a jump and that possible it was a fuel issue. He put gas in my car….nothing. So I asked him to tow it to the garage at the end of my street. I left Dennis a note with the keys and my cell phone number. Now how to get to work…I called Mary and left a message. My lil Dodge truck is was gone, so I had no way to work. I called my friend Ann. She was just going to put V on the bus. I ask if I can borrow her GMC truck and could she come and get me. No Problem. In 20 minutes I am in her driveway. I hop out of her car and open the truck door, start it to warm for a few minutes. I go around her car to kiss my godson goodbye. I walk back to the truck and as I try to open the door, it won’t open. Ann and I just look at each other and start to howl. I have locked the keys in the truck and it’s running!! I cannot believe that I have to call the auto club again. Ann offers to stay with me but I send her off to the gym and I sit there for 25 minutes waiting and laughing at how stupid I am. I got through Friday the 13th with no incident and here I am on St. Patrick’s Day….which I might add has always been lucky for me….wondering WTF happened. To make a long story short, I got to work a little late.. But the really funny thing is…my car…Dennis calls me and tells me he can find nothing wrong with it. He has spent the day starting it and it is fine. I spend the afternoon with Betsy, singing and laughing, thinking that it’s all behind me! I walk down to get it when I got home from work and I drive it to my house and park it. I debate on whether to take the GMC back and decide I should maybe keep it. I get ready to do my South Boston Bar Crawl through the Irish pubs. Greg wants to go stay at a friends so I go out to start my car and it WON’T START! God help me…tomorrow I don’t have to be at work til 1 pm and its going to Joe Oliviera’s shop…he will find its problem. But so much for this…..I need a drink…so I gotta wrap this up….<br />To those that I laugh with everyday insanely….whether we are ‘stuck’ somewhere or not. <br />I raise my glass……<br /><br />May joy and peace surround you,<br />contentment latch your door,<br />and happiness be with you now<br />and bless you evermore!<br /><br />To the ones who make you laugh til you cry. To the ones who stop in the middle of a song that they are singing when you walk into a club and make you laugh. To the ones you just have to look at to crack up. To the ones who make you laugh even if you haven’t seen them in over a year or for years. To those whose laughter you hold in your heart. Never lose the ability to laugh at yourself, it is the best laugh of all. I love you all, smooches…..Brenda<br /><br />An addendum: It is now Wednesday morning...I am nursing a hangover! I vaguely remember a little peson, male, dressed a s a leprachan! hehehehe....and can you believe it?...I can NOT find the keys to the GMC! Oh Lord bless me for I only do this once a year! so...I have to call and see if Ann will bring me the spares. I must have my car towed to the other garage.....and still I'm laughing because I know this the result of having way too much on my little mind! Keep laughing and have a blessed life!Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-34071724186194789192009-01-01T15:36:00.000-08:002009-01-01T16:19:33.056-08:00To quote The A team...'I love it when a plan comes together..."I am one of those people with an overwhelming need to please and be accepted. I try to not forget birthdays, special occasions, I try to 'read' my friends so that I can be there if I think they need me. The worst part is that I have a very short list of people that I want acknowledgement from, but I do want....or rather NEED them to be proud of me. For a long time that person was my mom. I can remember <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">crying</span> into her arms because I thought I had done something to disappoint her and she told me how proud of me she was and that there was little I could ever do to disappoint her. This kept me grounded and centered when everyone else was critical of me and until I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">found</span> a few others that inspired that reaction in me. Now I feel like many view me as an intrusion or a bother and that would never be what I wanted. So anyhow....today I felt empowered. My next door neighbor, Jeanette turned 84 years today. She was born 1/1/25. she is a little spit of a thing...I don't think she weighs her age. She has been a widow since the second year I lived here....I've owned this house for 10 years. So I call Jeanette every Monday to coordinate our agendas. What day does she want to go grocery shopping, what do we have for medical appointments. She fretted over me the whole time I was limping, and when she found out that I would need surgery she went into hyper drive. I stop over to check on her every chance I get. My sons mow her grass and shovel her snow. Two years ago, I called her to wish her a Happy Birthday/Happy New Year's and she didn't answer, I went to her house and I found her in the middle of a stroke on her kitchen floor. I called 911 and stayed at her bedside for a week. There is little signs of the stroke now but I fear for her. I threaten her if she goes out in the snow...for a broken hip would surely mean a nursing home. I often feel guilty...because I can't spend more time with her and that I never had the chance to do all this for my own mother. Cancer stole her from me way to soon. So....this morning I put on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">a pot</span> of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">black eyed</span> peas because my mama also made them for New Year's and told me they were good luck. I had a card and a beautiful cashmere throw as a present for her to wrap up in while watching the news, but I also had a secret. So after the peas were done, I made a little cake. Then there <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">was a</span> knock at my door. It came be very hard to hide things from someone who lives right next door. I did it though. Around 1 pm I called Jeanette and told her I was coming to get her so that she could eat with me. I half carried her the 10 yards to my door. But she came in and sat down. Gregory told her we were going to have a birthday party for her and she scoffed. I told her that because of a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">surprise</span> I had, that we were going to start with the cake. I put it on the table and and lit the candles. I told her to blow them out, close her eyes and make her fondest wish. As she sat there with her eyes closed I snuck her son Paul who lives in NC and his children into the dining room and told her to open her eyes. I need a sidebar....she has not seen her son in 3 years...he moved to NC when he accepted a professorship at <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">UNC</span>, then he divorced...blah blah blah....it was always something. I starting called him and emailing him at Thanksgiving telling him that he really needed to come home. That his mother is mostly likely nearing the end of her life and she needs to see him and the children. I just kept on badgering. He told me that he was coming to CT for New Year's and I told him that he had to drive here. He never called me a name but I know he thought it. Well...let just say....even now as I think about her face when she opened her eyes and saw her only son and her grandchildren that that it was the wish she made. He will only be here until tomorrow but it meant everything to her. He even came over and wished me a Happy New Year with a kiss and told me that he is very glad that he made the trip and that he is glad that his mom is so loved.<br />So how does that go again...'Do unto others...' I can only hope that my son sees how a little something can mean a whole lot to someone.Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-50744858793141721462008-12-28T15:20:00.000-08:002008-12-29T06:06:44.925-08:00The Deafening Silence!Oh my goodness....I can't believe I haven't written in such a long time....don't time fly when your losing your marbles...well.....here goes.....<br />Hallelujah, I am finished juggling this holiday craziness while recovering from my surgery. I took some time out to walk through my garden today. I am trapped in this cyclical kind of nausea and it’s depressing me. But even in the winter bleakness there are things I can do to prepare a garden for the new life of spring. Ah spring….rebirth! Working in my garden is a preferred pastime, because of the connection to the earth and the meditative feeling I have when I dig and divide and plant, and also because of the silence. It is a funny thing because growing up on a farm, I hated doing everything that I now cherish.<br />When I say silence, I don't mean a complete lack of sound. In fact I am not quite sure what a complete lack of sound is like. It seems like there is always some kind of sound, even at the quietest of times. If nothing else, there is the sound of my breath and the beating of my heart to keep me company and remind me of the gift of life I enjoy each and every moment.<br />I am so protective of my alone time...I mean just me. I love hugging and I love to have someone close to me, holding my hand and just sharing space with me, but I need my alone time. It has become the balm to my soul.<br />In a world of constant noise, traffic, airplanes, constant bombardment of machine sounds and the like, it is no wonder that people feel stressed and anxious. I don’t even think they even know why. Alternatively, most people relax when they can get to places that are quieter and more natural, where one can hear the breeze rustling the leaves in the trees, and the sounds of water flowing over stones in a softly flowing stream. I find myself walking on the beach a lot to hear that calming rhythm. I even dream of walking on the beach a lot and I find it can be very soothing to me.<br />I believe the reason for that is that such sounds are natural and in tune with the Earth, unlike many of the sounds of bustling human activity.<br />One of the nicest things about relaxing sounds is that they allow me to access the most important aspect of silence, the silence within. That silence inside that allows me to actually hear my own thoughts and receive insights can leave me feeling not only relaxed, but more alive and in step with the planet. The word silence comes from the word silentium, which means repose, to sit down, to rest. So, maybe silence is not so much the lack of sound as it is the kind of sounds that give us rest.<br />So, my unsolicited advice: the next time you find yourself feeling a bit anxious without an obvious reason, stop and listen to the sounds around you. If you are not happy with what you hear, find a way to enjoy the sounds that do make you feel peaceful and relaxed. Take an early walk in the park…go with your dog if you have one, dig in your own garden, or my absolute favorite….go FISHING! Or sit on your porch listening to the wind blow through the trees, or maybe put a waterfall or ocean wave CD on to play, and enjoy the sounds of silence. Sometimes it is then that I hear what my heart has been trying to tell me……….smoochesBrenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-36961119677135319262008-11-19T20:05:00.000-08:002008-11-19T21:06:50.458-08:00Just thinking....I'm in one of those moods. I was talking to my friend Gary tonight. I love him and I so wish I could touch him and take the bitterness out of his heart but the sad truth is that it is a bitterness borne out of love. I have been there and I may very well be there again. Such is the risk. It is...a giant risk when you love someone, not just a romantic partner but as friends. I learned that lesson this week although in reality it was over a year ago, I just didn't want to accept it. Just like my Gary. One would think that when you love someone, be it friend, family or something other, that there is a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">responsible</span> to each other. Not like you love them so they owe you, more like I have exposed my soul to you so please don't hurt me. I have made it known to everyone who knows me, that I wear my heart on my sleeve, irregardless of my bravado or brashness. That would be a cover for my hurt...<br />I have a friend, I would and have done anything for.......all they need do was ask and I responded, I never <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">missed</span> an occasion in their life, and I supported them as a friend should. I never expected anything from this person but to be my friend in return. But I may have expected too much, I expected to be treated with dignity, I expected to be treated courteously, I expected my friend to be truthful, I expected my friend to not hurt my feelings.....so I expected too much. More than obviously they could give me. I can only blame myself, my own poor judgment of character...<br />The depth of sadness in my heart is unfathomable, I am truly heartbroken. I feel betrayed, like when I needed my friend to fight for me, I just wasn't worth it to them. That is a hard thing to swallow. That is why I can't be upset with my Gary, he can stay as heartbroken as he wants. I just listen to him when his heart screams out...maybe it will drown out my own.Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-91579264621319430962008-11-10T14:42:00.000-08:002008-11-10T14:56:42.619-08:00I'm mad, scared, confused, aggravated...pick an adjective....First...it's Veteran's Day tomorrow and with a son and tons of family in the military and a family full of veterans, as well as special friends :)....go HUG A VET! and if you really want to celebrate them...ask them to tell you a story about when they served....they are a hoot!<br /><br />Well, No more waiting…..I have to have surgery. So I am rearranging my life to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">accommodate</span> this intrusion. I have had to cancel some plans because I’m unsure of what the aftermath will be. Funny though, I have always hated Christmas and this year I’m really going to hate it. We discussed it and decided to cancel the wedding too...not really cancel, postpone. Just as well, I couldn't get any of my family to come to it...just like the first one! I am really pissed off, so I shouldn't talk about family. Maybe its because I’m older, or maybe because I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ve</span> been here before but I’m not feeling as optimistic as I probably have in the past. Funny, when I was younger, nothing really fazed me. Now the thought of surgery is really scary to me. I appreciate my life so much more and the thought of it been interrupted when everything seems so right, is going my way, is jarring me to the bone. When I am on the verge of getting everything I worked so hard for, it is daunting and it is ludicrous at the same time. I am reminded of a conversation a long time ago with my friend Pam. Pam and her husband, Paul had separated for a time, almost two years. This was about 20 years ago, but I was just talking to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Pam</span> about it a week or so ago. I found it a heart-breaking situation because I loved both of them. Paul once made the most incredible gesture to me. The morning that my father called my work to tell me that my mother was dying, Paul answered the phone, came to get me and literally caught me as I hit the floor. Then after I cried in his arms, he gave me his American Express card and told me to go charter a plane to get my sister and me to VA as fast as possible. I refused him. But I have NEVER forgotten that gesture. It is one act of kindness that I have always tried to ’pay forward.’ His wife Pam is an awesome person, a nurse and mother to five. They had just got suffocated with marital responsibilities and separated. But as fate would have it, they finally came to see that they belonged together and reunited. Within a month, Pam was rejoicing as they were expecting their second child. It seemed to fulfill a destiny. Pam nearly glowed with happiness from inside and out. Then she got very sick. She was diagnosed with a genetic kidney aliment. Her kidneys were shutting down and the prognosis was the surgery would most likely end her pregnancy, but the doctors were unsure if she could hold off. I sat and listened to her thinking out loud….she wanted to have everything straight in her head to allow her and Paul to make an informed decision. She suddenly burst into tears. I asked her if she was all right and she screamed NO! I have everything the way I want it and I might lose it…What could I do for her?…I had no answers for her and could only offer comfort. She did hold off and had the baby. It was difficult but she became stable and went on to have 3 more babies…each a little scary, but she did it, watching her kidney status very closely each time. I have often thought. Why is life like this? Why is it always a trial? Why to get to what you have dreamed about you have to endure something or work your ass off to achieve. I’m not sure I’m buying the whole line of thinking that it is to appreciate it more. Maybe I bought it for the first couple of times, but at some point you think it would be a mute point: Lesson Learned. I appreciate everything and that comes from having nothing, and I mean nothing, in my life ever being easy. Nothing goes my way, nice and easy the first time…I have just gotten really good at making it LOOK that way. Sometimes I even catch myself resenting the people who everything seems to come to them with no obstacles. Then I remember it is just the way things are for me and has nothing to do with them. So I have to believe that this is just a speed bump on my life’s path and that everything will get back on course as soon as I can regain command of it. In the meantime, I have to do what I do least well of all the skills I have…..wait and then recover. I have the patience of the proverbial snake that I hate so much….Oh just for the record….most of the people that I think get things handed to them…..usually have their own set of trials to endure…I'm just self centered. :)Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-56959703517864949002008-11-02T17:18:00.000-08:002008-11-02T17:48:00.666-08:00time for a lil update.....What a week! I have been flat out. Here's some highlights:<br />Doctor's appointment on Monday...waiting....Tuesday was basically a wash out...all stress, no productivity. Wednesday I had an 8 hour argument...from 8:45 am until 5:10 pm and then my car had coolant issues which required major repair.<br />Thursday-A <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">daytrip</span> to Salem MA for a witch trial...not my own! Had to take the truck cause my car was in the shop. Some crazy psychic lady made me cry...twice! The truth hurts, really.<br />Friday...a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">halloween</span> party...Saturday, I had to catch up on something from work, then out with my honey to see Betsy rock the house at the Lafayette House....<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ok</span> that night was good...VERY GOOD wink wink! but then...I always think of Sunday as a day of rest...HA! Started at 7:45 am when my father called to tell me that he was going to take the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">trackhoe</span> and dig up my mother, whose been dead for 2o years and move her. Dad could ya let me wake up first? So I have to crawl out of my comfy warm bed, snuggled in loving arms to listen to him scream for an hour. Tell me again how <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">blest</span> I am! So I finally get my dad calmed down.and I told him if he moves her to tell me where...I do want to be buried by her!...then I got to enjoy a cup of coffee and out comes the love of my life to start with me. Well let me re-phase that...the man I thought was the love of my life.....hehehehe....relationships SUCK! So I sent him packing, oh not for good...but for a long while :) and I sat down to write two more papers. Seems this rotation of classes I am in requires that every other week I have a paper due in both classes and try as I might....I can not get started on them early. So I write first about a law and how I think it will impact service delivery <yawn>then I write out a program evaluation plan on a made up scenario about a youth symphony....the first paper I finished at noon...the second I started at 4 and just finished before I started this....so that is that....Mi Vida <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Loca</span>....oh did I mention that I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">gotta</span> go back tomorrow and finish the 8 hour argument? God gimme strength!<br />Oh a sidebar...my buddy <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Kells</span> sent out this survey thing that I in turn forwarded...for lack of anything <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">else</span> better to do...and who responds.....one of my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">bestest</span> friends from middle school...and better yet....he knows everything about me....now that is a blessing....I love you Mark!Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-70448859087108203592008-10-14T12:05:00.000-07:002008-10-14T12:20:36.819-07:00I am a GREAT me!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbKTkxt7KkRjw07B5MLTqq6XDexESOuL2MxaD2lU210l5LwoXJf_mHA4DOpiGXyUuoaTaTWBazAkuKMfdZjZNqnqj9CHB9Zq9UQXgJtygs2Yl93xaxuibCQjB7OdxAlkRskutvQ3mZG7ne/s1600-h/100+5789.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5257090770974723826" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbKTkxt7KkRjw07B5MLTqq6XDexESOuL2MxaD2lU210l5LwoXJf_mHA4DOpiGXyUuoaTaTWBazAkuKMfdZjZNqnqj9CHB9Zq9UQXgJtygs2Yl93xaxuibCQjB7OdxAlkRskutvQ3mZG7ne/s320/100+5789.JPG" border="0" /></a> Take a look at this picture...I am always doing goofy stuff with my photoshop. Can you see what I did? Nothing spectatular....I just think I like it better this way. <br /><br />I am in a very strange place...viewing the world with eyes that are deceptive....<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEHxJ8vM3-eK0ElLcmYc06avHRqaHGTT1H-vAzM31cn4dC_bUWl5lUTmIfUSLI5-LYqSsU9krBfB31Cj1ALTcXADKMbfH0DIjT25fSXl3rWxD66342BcHnxtZH2kIlf7cicVIKKnszZKLr/s1600-h/100+5789.JPG"></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I just have to get some stuff off my chest…and please don’t read anything into what I’m babbling about. It’s mostly therapy for myself…although if you do recognize something about you in my diatribe and it makes you want to change a behavior, then by all means…it’s about you. HAHAHA….ok that makes my PMP* So, basically I have no one to tell all the inane crap that spews from my head so…guess what? Here it is….I have been in some of the most bizarre relationships. The most obvious term to use is one sided relationships…I give and give and I get taken. Not the least of which was my marriage…I’m not finger pointing and in all reality I know I was a bitch with a capital B. But if I learned nothing else….it was about energy…like E=MC2…you get out of it what you put in to it. I used to laugh when my husband cheated on me. He would spend several hours online picking the slut of the week. Then, he would send her flowers and special trinkets and wine and dine her. Tell her this incredible story about an uncaring wife and children. While I sat at home, alone, wishing he would pay a minute’s attention to me. If he brought me a happy meal toy, I would have done anything he wanted. I tried almost everything he ever suggested. In the end, he said it was because he knew he could have me anytime. So basically he said I was not worth the effort. But at the same time, when I threatened to leave, he would be good. He would even tell me that I was the best he could ever hope to have. I fought and fought myself for years…denying myself and denying who I am. What I need….I wouldn’t ever go back. I don’t need any grand gesture….I want to trust….trust for me is knowing how the other person is going to respond. As a result I decided that I had to be totally and completely honest with my significant other. If we are to truly have a future then he must know and accept everything and vice versa. This is sharing my secrets and to be totally accepted. Now I’m afraid, I’ve given him a weapon…so does he protect me with it or make me bleed. I just don’t want him to think I am someone I am not…been there…I want to be ‘me’…I am a GREAT me. And at the end of the day…I have had loved ones carve me up. Guess what happens the next day…The sun comes up again.<br /><br />*pissing my pantsBrenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-74356519587579012822008-09-28T18:59:00.000-07:002008-09-28T19:41:13.567-07:00Catching up....<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi72AKCdoIS_O3K4nfrUmHQ5ni5hIAaSdvREdR0tXHiHfqaqmVFbe-xqy-uetPUzUSMv-PCO7_rTl3aHJ0JzMsxPmL2I2rK0XyCV5euJGKJR2j2iwcidHzUE-ooaOqhI5JS8zbRaAhp5tdI/s1600-h/its+fall.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5251257482676849698" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi72AKCdoIS_O3K4nfrUmHQ5ni5hIAaSdvREdR0tXHiHfqaqmVFbe-xqy-uetPUzUSMv-PCO7_rTl3aHJ0JzMsxPmL2I2rK0XyCV5euJGKJR2j2iwcidHzUE-ooaOqhI5JS8zbRaAhp5tdI/s320/its+fall.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><p>Doesn't this picture make you want to break into a rousing rendition of 'Going to the Chapel!"? I couldn't resist...as I have intimated the only thing worse than me being a jaded crone is me as a fool in love. So let's catch up.....physically...I am miserable....I have been running my ass off and in between dealing with this leg. I have had this reoccurring pain in my right leg since June and have had at least four doctors look at it...an orthropedic, a vascular surgeon, the house doctor at camp, and my personal physician. I had an ultrasound and a MRI....final answer is...for all you anatomy freaks...I recieved a blunt force trauma to my calf...an electric wheelchair full force into me....and the resulting bruising cause a build of fluid in my calf....now it swell...then it subsides....and of course the major consensus is all I need to do is stay off my feet for a few days...WHICH IS NOT GONNA HAPPEN! In the past month alone, I have been all over the New England....I was in Maine, then I was in New York and there is barely an inch of Massachusetts, RI and CT that I have not been through so when am I suppose to stay off it? yup, when I'm dead! so I have to tell you about upstate NY....I did not want to come back....we stayed in a cabin...the night sky was so loaded with stars.....the love, the friendship, the comfort...I wish that you each could know such peace. We went out kayaking on Lake Vanare.and had an fabulous dinner Saturday Night..It was an awesome time....the Lake George/Adirondacks area is breathtaking. I miss you all aready...Audrey, Charlie, Derek, Emma, Peter, Greta, Robbie...my Virginia Tech friend....Dan and of course Jill and Mike.</p><p>I have been thinking about something lately. Someone asks me at least once a week, why I do what I do...how can I face people everyday with disabilities? Is it depressing? How do I cope? Every person on this planet faces some sort of challenge every day...so the people I call my friends have challenges that you can see a mile away. I almost wrote that they are like everyone else....but they aren't.....'normal' people judge....'normal' people think you have a motive.....'normal' people think you're weird. I have friends who love me for who I am....laugh at me and laugh with me.....they are always glad to see me, even if I'm not wearing designer clothes...they don't find it odd that I hug them and tell them I love them, everytime I see them...they accept me for who I am....odd and all! That is a blessing in this life....to not have your feeling rejected. I will admit however, it have made me worse with 'normal' people....they aren't quite sure how to react when I grab them and hug them....or I get ackward silences sometimes when I say I love you...but the good news appears to be that they are getting used to it....well most of them.</p><p>I'm going post of a ton of pictures on <a href="http://myspace.com/ynotme"><span style="color:#00cccc;">MySpace</span></a> and <a href="http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=727426829&ref=profile"><span style="color:#00cccc;">FaceBook</span></a> if anyone's interested.... pictures from NY, around Boston, the horses...etc. </p><p>I love you Boob!...nope didn't mispell Bob...I meant Boob! hehehe! The next year of our lives is going be fantabulous! I promise with all my heart!</p><p>See ya round....smooches</p>Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-83209863070544090572008-09-07T09:15:00.000-07:002008-09-07T09:38:10.247-07:00I've created a monster.....<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOM9TLkb3nzzzBe7gmc0Ki1wfJ8fBmj5M5xvJIADbBqMtb2hwDl4hWqUsEyKINgSMDUYAtqTQ9H02FkBIUVcq1_QEpYrZyYbLSuTEbKbP3y39ZqB0UpkQP6X8QjejVE2gNoC-S1J3spAJY/s1600-h/artemis4.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5243318431344479666" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOM9TLkb3nzzzBe7gmc0Ki1wfJ8fBmj5M5xvJIADbBqMtb2hwDl4hWqUsEyKINgSMDUYAtqTQ9H02FkBIUVcq1_QEpYrZyYbLSuTEbKbP3y39ZqB0UpkQP6X8QjejVE2gNoC-S1J3spAJY/s320/artemis4.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I'm joking! My buddy Artemis wants a better picture and I gotta tell ewes guys this story.</div><br /><div>As you are all aware, I like to take a life break in late April. I always take 3 or 4 weeks off beginning the middle of April into May. My Birthday is April 28th and as a present to myself I do what I want for a while. It started out as a week off and that just didn't seem like enough for me...so I stretch it out. This past April I was off for a month. I do all sorts of stuff, just no work. Well, not my regular jobs...I want things to be different. I go to Virginia, badger everyone I know there....and partake in a little self awareness and reconnecting with who I am. Ok, I'm rambling...The point being I was not around much this past April. So I was sitting and talking to Artemis and we got this new computer program that is incorporated into her master program. It basically allows standard responses to be set to icons so that it can be accessed quickly. This will be handy for her as people are always asking her the same questions over and over, but we have to reprogram the responses or change the questions....tweak it if you will. So the first one...What is your name? and it says TODD. We both cracked up laughing..but I told her from now on I'm calling her TODD. Then she hits...My birthday is...and it says June 18th...I asked..is that your birthday? She can answer yes or no questions with her eyes...closing them means yes...rolling them up is no...she said no. so I said when is your birthday...Jan...up...no...Feb....up...no.....March...no....April...she squeezes them tight...YES..I get a feeling in my stomach...because I feel so close to her.....I said...Is your birthday the 28th and she said YES.....and I started to laugh....I go over to grab my purse and I pull out my license and hold where she can see it and she HOWLS.... Her Mother was folding clothes and walks over to see why we are cracking up and I said...'Artemis and I have the same birthday'.....she says....OMG....you two are giving me goosebumps.....I tell Artemis that we are PEAS.....two peas in a pod....she is smiling....and she wants me to take her pic while she is happy...so here she is....LY....always...g/f.</div>Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-17072497068177024372008-09-02T20:18:00.000-07:002008-09-04T12:32:31.868-07:00Artemis....Goddess of the Hunt...<p align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH5xhjBFou_q6Nh9FpZYLIz29BEA5diQIjMHr5jITOIgF7vbdBPWRNjBs27LDYv99_7UDIT8gCRBqmCQnRoLWVQ_uQiitjgnIhv2DnQDvJxcsZNPlV2ob7FzJpDpJEFVGJ3tDDKAECT47O/s1600-h/artemis.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241637585998681442" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 230px" height="208" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH5xhjBFou_q6Nh9FpZYLIz29BEA5diQIjMHr5jITOIgF7vbdBPWRNjBs27LDYv99_7UDIT8gCRBqmCQnRoLWVQ_uQiitjgnIhv2DnQDvJxcsZNPlV2ob7FzJpDpJEFVGJ3tDDKAECT47O/s320/artemis.jpg" width="320" border="0" /></a></p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinc_8HgCGB_JkOLj85b5dmFlxZ7kWPV4fdHBr8mA8gx1dyq_b6GizQPwnhqtfc0pSpchefAsmi7D78wORB0gaCbeXm3ZB6cxaGUkqjCJ3XdM9w2Xf_IKggg_lWQFbV9T5EcOvs4zhAZKOq/s1600-h/0815081708.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5241637303851022914" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 210px" height="223" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinc_8HgCGB_JkOLj85b5dmFlxZ7kWPV4fdHBr8mA8gx1dyq_b6GizQPwnhqtfc0pSpchefAsmi7D78wORB0gaCbeXm3ZB6cxaGUkqjCJ3XdM9w2Xf_IKggg_lWQFbV9T5EcOvs4zhAZKOq/s320/0815081708.jpg" width="320" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGLHcIaqY4Vi6rIq6mg02VACf6jtB2kJidTwnQ8egfhVzOt7ShRtWOcfcUiV9zedSDYTpyi3RJHr9KLCXqlXmQtq5TrlRO0QBJc0lp6ymnqPu6ErSe-9PQTcQSyR0Vh-5iM6-guCgACQbz/s1600-h/0815081706.jpg"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipEqDUlV4pqynfF-KfavxglSTp5I2BGiNxkgWFr1JC9ZpmDg3uO9GnR4E9cy_dgta7yVEqEVj5ApBKCMDjAaKquA5UCOSIPrhemqasEE4hCgtQCkh03xL4JdPsaLUa9E10_nz2U-tcxuR-/s1600-h/artemis.jpg"></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFaov7eUSaORGASb1S9pU8NvvIvtPB2C5KyhIFW2qG-C3ueYhlonQH_bqF2OtoQuk6qS5ed9St2LKmCbtH9aQYtIip6IlD_IdFDM_1YtIJsQZ09uls32DoyOGxt6fcTuIr1XdHcyampKxs/s1600-h/0815081708.jpg"></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL9jue0nOeOn06QSelumiXhfzmRglONAvECxxmxP4b5n4l9FIq5JmXMb49OCCHsOXUrbI95ElXHjFuhHbt8NypCBvaVU4QtuYKVeg0GLw2rBQN3r0v6oeuF04r5yfAMpIE3Uv_1xkrOEX6/s1600-h/artemis.jpg"></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>(ok first.........I have been flat out.....between being incredible busy....I have this pulled thing in my leg and I've been limping FOREVER. Kelly and Linda thought they were gonna have to amputate it last Friday night. My dear Kelly...sweet Kelly....First I have her critiquing wedding dresses in my office and then I have her in the North End at the Feast of St. Anthony watching me grimmace with every step......what a trooper! Thanks to Nikki and Linda for meeting us there!)<br /><br /></div><div>Now...I have to tell this story....<br /><br /></div><div>About a year ago, I got a phone call from a vendor about consulting on a case with a young woman....27 years old.....graduated valedictorian of her high school class at DR....graduated Magna Cum Laude from Yale University....a year from her PhD....language expert, comparative Lit major...this girl speaks 7 languages. She had gone to Serra Leone to document atrocities from civil unrest. She had a plan, she calls it the 'Vision.' So my new friend, she was in a horrific accident in Serra Leone....she broke bones, she suffered nerve damage, she was O2 deprived, she was in a coma for over a month.</div><br /><br /><div>She awoke...and couldn't breathe on her own, she couldn't eat, she couldn't move. But she can still think....she can still smile and she can still love......so the work began....it was hard work....<br /></div><div>This incredible mind is now trapped in this nearly lifeless body....she breathes on her own, she eats, she talks to me with her computer. We have shared some incredible conversations.<br /></div><div>It has been an awesome experience for someone like me, who feels sorry for myself. I spend 5 minutes with her and I can't. </div><div>She tells me stories and then tells me to get over it!<br /></div><div>She once told me the story of William. He loved her, she thought she loved him. She got the opportunity to go to Serra Leone, he didn't want her to go...he asked her to marry him. She said no. She told me if she could stand up and walk by herself, she would go to him right now and tell him she loves him and will he marry her. She doesn't cry....but she said I lost the one I love and he will never love me now. Then she told me, you have everything yet you hold it off for fear of being hurt or let down, you live in the same place I do, but I have an excuse. Bitch! and she laughs. </div><div>Sometimes she asks me why, I don't know but I have to believe God put you here for a reason, you thought it was for the 'Vision' but maybe this is part of it and He just hasn't shown us what the next part is.<br /></div><div>Her brother told me that it was a blessing the day I walked into their home, that she needed me....oh yes it was a blessing.....but I think I was one who was blessed....meet my friend.....then and now.....and there....are ya happy now?... a whole blog just about you...read it and enjoy....I love you, Artemis....</div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipEqDUlV4pqynfF-KfavxglSTp5I2BGiNxkgWFr1JC9ZpmDg3uO9GnR4E9cy_dgta7yVEqEVj5ApBKCMDjAaKquA5UCOSIPrhemqasEE4hCgtQCkh03xL4JdPsaLUa9E10_nz2U-tcxuR-/s1600-h/artemis.jpg"></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipEqDUlV4pqynfF-KfavxglSTp5I2BGiNxkgWFr1JC9ZpmDg3uO9GnR4E9cy_dgta7yVEqEVj5ApBKCMDjAaKquA5UCOSIPrhemqasEE4hCgtQCkh03xL4JdPsaLUa9E10_nz2U-tcxuR-/s1600-h/artemis.jpg"></a></div></div></div>Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-23993167532168881252008-08-19T18:41:00.001-07:002008-08-19T19:10:52.588-07:00HA HA HA....<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF2dMy7BgHYT1hUcQSuvuHAnEfUFVEQtyN0FedRvXnJ_Kl9zhs0cruNfPTV79jr2fc28gUZ1oycF64NEd6wise6d_X90zA_Cu8coqfpLOLhzDwxr5nn39yKgWaqQBJzOG_cgvG7H9gYWMp/s1600-h/greg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5236416552177205698" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF2dMy7BgHYT1hUcQSuvuHAnEfUFVEQtyN0FedRvXnJ_Kl9zhs0cruNfPTV79jr2fc28gUZ1oycF64NEd6wise6d_X90zA_Cu8coqfpLOLhzDwxr5nn39yKgWaqQBJzOG_cgvG7H9gYWMp/s320/greg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4GT3jakvLxz4eXaH21VboOI64m56q8m6X1kEKcq4gDG-wbybiaa9qoOSM9cbuj2Obo4jqLcDzXzNlMGltai4ylSb3yfAd1S5t_F4UEw3Hp3BEu0vUHMUJVjr9mbyUA3pufRyumB2n2M23/s1600-h/your_image2.png"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5236411455998364082" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4GT3jakvLxz4eXaH21VboOI64m56q8m6X1kEKcq4gDG-wbybiaa9qoOSM9cbuj2Obo4jqLcDzXzNlMGltai4ylSb3yfAd1S5t_F4UEw3Hp3BEu0vUHMUJVjr9mbyUA3pufRyumB2n2M23/s320/your_image2.png" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMhOhXaa3qaT0fitcMLBlERuZSYcqGFlYDFo4rnvD2ca4JIoEvzRarVtNYIODY1SdkK-TM-DpMaByBLutjO6I3n4bNqhyphenhyphenBg3HL62jKik98AxMHk1Tg8GueuukW6rrbYk1prJS84jyVS2st/s1600-h/hamblins.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5236411204159080178" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMhOhXaa3qaT0fitcMLBlERuZSYcqGFlYDFo4rnvD2ca4JIoEvzRarVtNYIODY1SdkK-TM-DpMaByBLutjO6I3n4bNqhyphenhyphenBg3HL62jKik98AxMHk1Tg8GueuukW6rrbYk1prJS84jyVS2st/s320/hamblins.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg7rCqYeqkKRpVnwh_G8Fss3VrFaLFdfTjRUJW6DF5MPg-ixOq2OLynN5bMyg96AboWQ3AYb23_cmAXgzPVME4ey2rQ6Kz4mf6YcW_XTgIoFaaYZs4Vw9iH_9CUlXhAmR_6k0ftAzSlZfR/s1600-h/me2"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5236411209528720386" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg7rCqYeqkKRpVnwh_G8Fss3VrFaLFdfTjRUJW6DF5MPg-ixOq2OLynN5bMyg96AboWQ3AYb23_cmAXgzPVME4ey2rQ6Kz4mf6YcW_XTgIoFaaYZs4Vw9iH_9CUlXhAmR_6k0ftAzSlZfR/s320/me2" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8P1DxdwcpHsomPIqEWi_5m3b2lYXAiZVknY9LhOvGoDMwpA62lVcAdmom_Lh3Sn0v4feM_YS5XCdUBPAQO1Fi6H4CRJTzZalQI0_JHzV5lp7IOSgk-RnZhgkuFe4othLZXOAF3nUwsUj5/s1600-h/dad"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5236409548766099378" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8P1DxdwcpHsomPIqEWi_5m3b2lYXAiZVknY9LhOvGoDMwpA62lVcAdmom_Lh3Sn0v4feM_YS5XCdUBPAQO1Fi6H4CRJTzZalQI0_JHzV5lp7IOSgk-RnZhgkuFe4othLZXOAF3nUwsUj5/s320/dad" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSf9JA2P4eM4jVSLlXGUySj4hBkS4HWUWw_wsPKxmhyphenhyphenEpOtwOZX_zZRMO3Y-O9GN1yemq6dbN_teZufTimngeWl4Ub5WhGw6RniuUuQ35dP5I5rs3cfitXG1IeDd5kd4kVCcIdgIzPii74/s1600-h/ann1"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5236409576655876722" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSf9JA2P4eM4jVSLlXGUySj4hBkS4HWUWw_wsPKxmhyphenhyphenEpOtwOZX_zZRMO3Y-O9GN1yemq6dbN_teZufTimngeWl4Ub5WhGw6RniuUuQ35dP5I5rs3cfitXG1IeDd5kd4kVCcIdgIzPii74/s320/ann1" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHKJB2SsWNxgWrbW0ajWKqW0yZ2cV1cFLhzPqnpYODdcAHNAS1DaonYvlY3MnPlBvqXBEo5M8RFrbaQqdZhrRsN8tleNoyXgvlT3-k28lfFDx_uvKvL7tcMm2n5eQDnq9OgkoNrVZ_F0gg/s1600-h/your_image2.png"></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5zI491DdW8wxVhPO69AmRR78fMz3O7vyrd6PaxeESnxwUtkJsEafpwo-WpRZf7JTguzboR5Y8GhfB3KCdCH2olO7d930x8_1KjmDO4agmVmV46Jr8xmo4x_BtSvS4EcJra89RGe3aSzYE/s1600-h/greg"></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDXpm26GlE9IuRhCz-7DHiIrO6fS60Q70946HEOVrKau2-w2LybuzVt1M1BrPlWlQJrohDjROc2aIy2u15HSkgtBPOZiqQpJicXBgg4ydVmJkhGhhuDsnZEQZ-oH9lD8OMSz0PWggm76lu/s1600-h/hamblins.jpg"></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div></div></div></div>Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-70181271275916443842008-08-18T19:12:00.000-07:002008-08-18T19:45:34.072-07:00Life as I know it.....<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivwlAZmdQjS1l_-M2jNpODzThmKRWpgNpxP-DzeArGDQqbXjsbzSuonOmsyznE8SvG8A7oZti94JnE-Pp2BqWTp4jyuJ7dI32fMVoeY0j0LDI3YAXLqWlJjYSIEHkDSNKEzt5fZm33t_ld/s1600-h/shell"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5236053578851284898" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 172px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" height="320" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivwlAZmdQjS1l_-M2jNpODzThmKRWpgNpxP-DzeArGDQqbXjsbzSuonOmsyznE8SvG8A7oZti94JnE-Pp2BqWTp4jyuJ7dI32fMVoeY0j0LDI3YAXLqWlJjYSIEHkDSNKEzt5fZm33t_ld/s320/shell" width="207" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIizj00ON-kVygPceFFkJ75yVlN1a5vVledDYTUb68ooq3K_XEtzh_7ETE3kSOJ-TDV-GbTi3ouZVYqu45V_-tfefuaOkdudGtfTU4o3foPUjgRDpIrU89zl80fJezidEAVTFhRyGuBV7y/s1600-h/kell"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5236053262132828306" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 185px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" height="320" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIizj00ON-kVygPceFFkJ75yVlN1a5vVledDYTUb68ooq3K_XEtzh_7ETE3kSOJ-TDV-GbTi3ouZVYqu45V_-tfefuaOkdudGtfTU4o3foPUjgRDpIrU89zl80fJezidEAVTFhRyGuBV7y/s320/kell" width="367" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div>I have gotten everyone in a tizzy over my wedding plans....what can I tell ya.....if I'm gonna do this...I'm doing it the way I want.......it's gonna scream BRENDA......of course everytime I mention something new to him I get the 'whatever ya want honey'. I told him I was gonna get one of my litttle people friends to dress up like a leprechan. OMG---I'm kidding....</div><br /><br /><div>So last Saturday was my family reunion....I decided I'm going to make a movie with pics of the reunion... past present and future and include some other shots....look for it....I'll post it up here when I finish it.</div><br /><br /><div>I gotta tell ya I did crap today.....and I was so spoiled. I sat in the sun and made Simpson characters out of pics of my friends and family...I'll post one or two of them every so often...see if you can guess who they are....so I made about 35 characters. Dinner was made and I was SERVED outside and after dinner I got a leg and foot massage. I keep looking up to see if a plane falls out of the sky on me. Again....I have all kinds of issues about deserving to be this happy. </div><br /><br /><div>Artemis wants to read about herself in my blog so coming soon...the story of Artemis and how I met a friend who changed the way I think, to let me live my life to the fullest....I was suppose to help her get past issues and she saved me from myself.....I miss you....see you soon.....love to you all.......miss ya, B</div><br /><br /><div>Guess who these are supposed to be.....hahahaha! </div><br /><br /><div></div>Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-1730272102120625532008-08-08T22:18:00.000-07:002008-08-09T08:51:58.264-07:00my LUCKY day!So the number 8 has been my lucky number since I was like 8. I saw it on SchoolHouse Rocks which were like these cartoon things that were supposed to be educational. They taught things like multiplication, addition, grammar......'Conjunction Junction...what's their function...hooking up works', etc.....coming back to you now?....It's from like 1973. So anyway they had this one about the number 8 and how if it's on its side it is the symbol for infinity...they used an ice skater to demonstrate it...anywho....I was SOLD...my lucky number. Well......what kinda day ya think I had.....the date is 08-08-08! Baby....and ya know what I was doing at 8 pm tonight.....not my homework!!!....I was sitting in a theatre watching the new Mummy movie in the arms of a man I love. Snuggled...warm....comforted....I can't remember the last itme I let myself feel that. SAFE. I dunno....I think I might just get used to this.....<br />Oh before I sleep....check this out.......<br />How lucky is this.....<br /><a href="http://www.syracuse.com/newsflash/index.ssf?/base/national-12/1218240553117560.xml&storylist=national">Hailey Jo Hauer and Xander Jace Riniker</a>, both born at 8:08 a.m. on 8/8/08, weighing 8 pounds, 8 ounces.<br />can you say...wicked kewl!<br />night allBrenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-17320065419943413372008-08-03T18:37:00.000-07:002008-08-03T18:52:31.996-07:00Who am I?I was born in Roanoke, Virginia. My mother was Irish with red hair and freckles. I inherited her freckles and her Irish temper. She taught me to find four leaf clovers. She instilled in me that anything is possible. If I could find a four-leaf clover and make a wish, then it would come true. She is responsible for the fanciful, silly side of me. St. Patrick’s Day is my favorite holiday.<br />Being raised in the south has definitely made me view things in a different way. My grandmother never quite got over the fact that I was born before my parents had wed and made sure that I knew how she felt. I felt as if was being held accountable for something for which I had no control over. This instilled in me a need to please and to help people. In the southern ‘Bible Belt’ there is a strict code of behavior among the older Southern Baptists and it can be difficult to overcome the prejudices that they possess. She also had a fascination with John and Robert Kennedy. I keep a picture of them, from her ,in my bedroom because it makes me feel close to her and that times were good then.<br />I also had the fortune or misfortune of living in the state of Virginia when the law was passed to integrate the public schools. In jr. high school, I was bused across Roanoke city to attend an predominately black school. I could never understand what the fuss was all about. I went to school just as I always had and made many new friends. I remember my parents complaining about it, but it never really bothered me. I did come to have the opinion that people should be judged on what they say and what they do as opposed to how they look. After a few years, it didn’t matter any more.<br />I grew up with 18 cousins more or less, most of them female. In the summer time, we were sent to stay at my grandparents’ farm. We were the workforces of the farm. We tended the gardens, we took care of the livestock, gathered eggs, milked cows, picked berries, did the housework, made pies and learned how to sew, knit, and crochet at my grandmother dress hem. My grandmother’s attic was set up like a dormitory. We all took turn bathing in an aluminum washtub. she had no running water and an outhouse. We were raised as brothers and sisters rather than cousins and we all remain fairly close to this day. There is nothing like family.<br />When I was small, I was very upset that I was a girl. I felt that boys enjoyed more freedom and didn’t have as many rules as girls did. I always had to be ladylike. I was learning to run a household from my grandmother. I thought I had been born to servitude. This attitude continued until my teens. It gradually subsided and as I became a wife and mother, I realized how truly honored I am to be a woman.<br />In 1983, I moved to MA. I got a job working in the Department of Mental Retardation for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I became a Recreation Therapist. At this time, I met a man of Portuguese decent. We dated and eventually married on July 17th, 1988. His family was first generation from Lisbon, his parents barely speaking English. They were catholic and was upset that I was not. I consider myself a Christian and had adopted a non-denominational foundation to my faith. So I gave it some thought and attended some masses and decided that I would convert and raise our children in the catholic faith of his family. Funny, now considering how little contact I have with any of them. I’m not sure it makes sense but I have had some issues with the church, but not with my faith or what I believe. I think that the church is made up of men whom God endowed with free will, just as he did the rest of us. Some of them have made poor choices, but they must face the laws of man and God.<br />I have two boys. The oldest is going to 22 and currently serving in the US Army and my youngest is 14 and entering high school. I am American and I am proud that my son serves. Many of the young men in my family are currently in the service of this country. I am proud of them all.<br />I enjoy working with people. I have had the pleasure of bringing life, love, and enjoyment to profoundly and severely challenged individuals. I have taught life skills and skills of daily living to people who face mental and physical challenges that would be hard for some people to even imagine. I have experienced the joy of watching the face of someone who had never been sailing, or ridden a horse in their entire lives, some of them in their 50’s. I see their faces light up as they see me because they know I will take them to fun and adventure. For everything I have ever taught someone, he or she has taught me things: unconditional acceptance, respect, and the strength to persevere. While there is a clinical side to my job, I always try to make it fun in its application.<br />Therefore, I consider my southern upbringing, my Irish side, my job and my being female to impact my cultural identity the most. There are other elements that impact but I don’t feel they are dominant in my value system. I know I will meet people in my life whom I care for deeply and will not care for me, some I will not care for and they will care for me and every once in a while I will meet people I care for and they will care for me back. That all men are created equally and should be treated the same way. So basically, I really believe the golden rule works.Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8072848154593744861.post-44008235997329315202008-07-31T19:20:00.000-07:002008-08-03T18:56:34.989-07:00Update from Fort Hunter, Liggett, CaliforniaYou are not going to believe this.....my son, Cpl. Joseph <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Fonseca</span>, who thankfully is on US soil, in sunny California, which one would think would be safer than Afganistan, until the earthquakes start!!!!... So this guy loves nothing better than torturing me. He calls me to tell me that he's been SNAKE BIT. Now anyone who knows me knows that rubber snakes freak me out. I got bit by a snake when I was 9 years old, an I have a HEALTHY respect for them and a murderous regard! Gregory made me g<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">o</span> see 'Snakes on a Plane' and I had nightmares for a week.....so I ask him what kind of snake and he says 'rattler'. Are you kidding me? Seems he was out on guard and felt something wrap around his leg. He throw a light on it and saw it was a snake and shook it off. As it hit the ground it strikes back at and hit him right at the top of his boot. One fang hit the boot and the other glances off his shin. So for his trouble, he got a TET booster and an anti venom shot and a 12 hour stay in the infirmary for observation. For those of you who follow my darling boys' exploits, add this one to the list...with the eye, the magnets in the nose, locking themselves in the bathroom in the middle of the night, getting a finger stuck in a keyhole...hahahahaha!!....I feel like Rosanna <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Rosannadanna</span>...."It's always <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">SOMETHUNG</span>!" so<br />when I see him...what do you think? He's got the snakes head in a baggie in his pocket and he HAS to show me! Speaking of Joey.....I have spent a lot of time just looking at him.....he gives me the 'OH MA!' because I tear up when I look at him. But have you ever looked at someone and didn't recognize them?......Yea, I have a hundred reasons to start to cry for Joey but the reason I do is that I can't find the little boy in him any more. He is a man, with eyes that grieve for lost companions and have seen things that I will never see, not in all my many years...<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">hehehehe</span>! but there is a set to his jaw line, there is a purpose in his step, there is no thread of that child left whom I remember. I love him, I will always, but I miss that imp. I hope that he is still there somewhere and when the situation allows he will re emerge....laughing....Brenda Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08265608796914400224noreply@blogger.com1