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Wednesday, May 28, 2008

How my heart breaks....

Whenever I read stories like this....

http://www.roanoke.com/news/roanoke/wb/163576

When I was 15 years old, I took Driver's Ed at Franklin County High School. My instructor was a wrestling coach. He was big and burly and scared the hell out of me. He would yell 'RANSOME' at top time of his lungs when he would tell me to go left and I turned right. He showed up for class one day with a big black permanent marker and put a 'L' on my left hand and a 'R' on the back of my right hand and then he said when I tell ya to turn right...look at your hands. It didn't come off for about 6 months. I have never confused my left and right since. But this is a story of my heart and you all know it is attached to my sleeve and gets bruised and battered regularly. So I'm 15 and a 1/2 , driving down the streets of Rocky Mount with Coach and 2 other students. The radio was on and a news story began about a mother who had taken a one pound can of black pepper and poured it down her 9 month old's throat, asphyxiating him. I began to cry and my hands shook so badly that the coach ordered me to stop right in the middle of the road and that big bear of a man patted my shoulder and told me it would be OK. I looked up to see that he was crying as hard as I was. I just could never understand how a mother could do that. We sat there in the car for over 20 minutes and then he instructed one of the students in the back to take over driving. When I finished Driver's Ed, earning my certificate, he told me to do myself a favor and never listen to the radio in the car. This is a true story and can be verified by my buddy Mark who was in the back seat at the time. Call me I'll give ya his cell number, he lives in Portsmouth, VA and is a Special Ed teacher. Coach also took to calling me 'the smartest dumb girl he ever met.' All I know is that whenever he would see me in the hall or around school....he would walk over and ruffle my hair and wink at me...like I knew his secret....he was a softie!

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Memorial Day weekend

Gregory and I are busy filling up waterballoons for our Memorial Day cookout. We are mowing and trimming, cleaning the house, preparing the food, getting the pool situated, setting up the sound system because a some point Betsy will be singing 'Be Alive'...hehehehehe!! from her CD. Lots of food, lots of laughter and lots of love. You all know to drop on by, if ya want, but if you can't don't worry..
The root of memorial is from the latin memoriale meaning to list in memoranda, to keep in mind, remember. So know that I remember..I remember the time you made me laugh, I rmember the time when your smile made my day, I remember when you defended me, I remember when you said you were my friend and I remember everytime you said I love you! If I remember then you are here, in my mind and in my heart....
UH oH! Getting a drity look from Greg....breaks over, back to work....see ya all at the party!
REMEMBER...I Love You.....smooches

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

ILLUSION.....

Tonight I went to see David Copperfield at the PPAC. The PPAC has to be my favorite venue. I have seen Phantom of the Opera there...front and center! I think it has got to be the place to see a show...just the right size..you feel cozy but not lost. So I gotta tell ya...as a 40 something, very jaded crone...I sat there like an 8 year old in utter amazement. I know that is is illusion, magic...smoke and mirrors. I think I found such an affinity because it is like my life...don't look too close....my whole life has been unreal.....I have loved and thought I was loved and I was not. I have been betrayed by the ones I had the most trust for. I am a duplicious child who no one really knows and most would be aghast learn about. I am not being dramatic, I am being truthful. Twice in the past year or so I have been told by 2 different people the value of being normal. I have never been, as much as I have longed, to be normal. I fear at times that pople will diescover my abnormalities. Am I wrong to think that it makes me unloveable or unable to love? I may be being silly...it is the mood I am in...but I am merely thinking aloud....re read the header if you forgot where you are. hahahahaha! But still I wonder about the illusion of my life and where it will lead me. I can only be who I am and I have fought too hard in this life for this girl named Brenda K to let her sink into the murky depths unnoticed or with the slight turn of a mirror appear as if she never appeared at all.....

Saturday, May 10, 2008

to a MOTHER I love....

I find in this day and age that Mother's and Father's days are obsolete....there are so many instances where a child is raised by a single parent, male or female or a loving person who is a relative or no relation at all. It is such a blessing in this life to have someone in your corner. I had a long talk with my mom today...I hope my love her for reached her in heaven...
So as I do with my toast, I am writing about someone who I know but I will not name her....and this is in no way to slight all the fantastic mothers/fathermothers I know....it just that this one is touching my heart right this second......

-to the mother who alone raised five, yes FiVE of the most beautiful daughters you have ever laid your eyes upon. She has told me stories of the christmases where the kindness of strangers/teachers and her church was the only reason they had any sort of christmas. She has never sounded bitter...she just did what needed to be done! I see her be the peacemaker, she is always my cheerleader....and she is not even my mother! I know that if I send out one of my incredibly dopey blah blah emails.....she will be the first one to respond and tell me what a freat person i am and how much what I have to say means to her. I know that her daughters think that she is the strongest woman they know.....cause I know I do!! She retired to stay home and watch her grandchildren.....giving them the same love and encouragement that we all miss from she her as much as we used to.....every week I have to go find her for my hug....Happy Mother's Day

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

a Mother's Day present....for OT BARBIE!


I thought this was a surprize but I see that it has been viewed more than a coincidence would allow. Therefore I am assuming that Kells send the link out to everybody she knew! So I might as well get some work off it....hahahaha!! (Baracuda!!)
To a very special friend....my OT BARBIE!
Kelly and I often joke about how when I lost my dear friend Dino, he sent her to me to make sure I didn't miss him too much! I absolutely believe this!!! We talk about him and laugh about how we would never have met (Maybe) if it weren't for him! All I know is that from the first second we said hello, we have been fast friends...she is the one who named me the SMOOCHES fairy...something I will never forgive her for! (so I named her OT Barbie!)
So when she contracted me to make a special DVD for her son's upcoming graduation...I couldn't resist taking some of the pics and making her a lil present.....to give to him to remind him where he gets his support, love and strength!
Happy Mother's Kelly! You inspire me to be the best mother I can be...(we all have to support each other!) You have a beautiful son to be proud of, I know because he looks at the world through his mother's kind and loving eyes..:)....LUV YOU, smooches
Come back to us!!I miss you!!
P.S. Turn the music player off at the bottom of the page....





video

Monday, May 5, 2008

Peek into my heart....

Today is Cinco de Mayo. The 5th of May and it is one of my best friend's birthday. I went to see her. I lucked out because she has been living out of state but she came to home to visit her family and she called to tell me that I could come there instead of driving 2 hours to where she is living. It is the same every year as my birthday is April 28th and her is a week later to the day so we get together and celebrate both. So I crash her sister's house-me and my son, Greg. Her family is there and so is a mutual friend of ours. We had a great time. Laughing and remembering. So first our friend leaves. I decide that I should go because if I tarry she will stay and will be late as she has a deadline. I tell her that I'm going to go and she says she will walk me to my car. ??? Do you think that is a good idea?? She laughs, she knows. If we say goodbye here in front of her family, we are mature adults. If we go to my car, we are in trouble. We stand by my car door. I can't speak...my heart still throbbing from Va...( watch the video of my leaving my uncle and aunt and tell me I don't need medication! it's on my YouTube channel www.youtube.com/bkf428) So we stand there and stare at each other tears welling up....then I feel that familiar feeling starting in my gut and erupting up thru my being to gush out my eyes. She matches me as we embrace in a hug between 2 friends that have shared secrets and knows each other...supported each other...she had been there, my strength when I thought I had none. But with the will of Hercules...I released her and walked away...she had braced herself against a fencepost. I drove away, I didn't look back just like when I left Roanoke, if I looked back my heart would explode....I miss my friend.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Oh Me OH my!

Well, I'm back from VA.......can't honestly say I'm too happy about it either!! I know this upsets my friends and I wouldn't hurt ewes guys for the world. Ok, maybe I'm a little glad to be back to my routines. The month I took off was fun, but Ineed routine! I have four 2 GB memory sticks filled with pics and movies...everything...I drove everybody NUTS! check out this pic...



I have to share this.....Denny and Reed ....could they be playing rock, paper, scissors? I doubt it.....Reed is throwing a SHOCKER...I laughed my ass off! In case I haven't said it enough...I love CROWN ROYAL! hehehehehehe!!
So, what have I done......

Well, I did a lot of work for Breezeway....that's my web design moniker! I got a new singer, a new band (in VA!!! yeah!).....and I did 5 custom DVDs....and I got the coolest referral! I can't say yet......

While I was in VA, I got to see so many of pieces of my heart....I only hope that you all have something that means as much to you as being home means to me. I did that little consult thing in C'burg. It worked out. I got a bonus, my commission and I got a fabulous offer! I just feel like everything, or almost everything is going my way.....I love me! Soon I'll get the latest degree that was 10 years in completing....and I'm hoping for great things...a couple more jumps up the career ladder and I'll be ready to head south forever!
One more funny thing......I got a little cousin named Heather, I swear she is gonna be the CMT Horizon Award winner one day soon.....mark my words!!!...but I am partying in her big brother's club and there she is....within weeks of releasing her new CD which is awesome!!.... sitting on the floor filling the beer cooler behind the bar. I start yelling at Derek to get her up off the floor. "she's gonna be a star." He says, "fine--when she's a star...now she has to earn her keep and it's good for her!" He's right! and she loves him for it!
ok, til I get around to this again...






 

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